Too much work!

I work way too much for minimum wage, but i'm really picky when it comes to working - But what am I to do, a job's a job. I am terrible at counting money and what not, so me at the cashier is just a bad idea. But in a lot of jobs, being at the cashier is unavoidable. So i'm thinking of being a waitress - tips are a lot, but I don't know if i'm cut out for it. And I am not getting any moolah from being a SB - it's terrible (it's only every time we meet up : and that's not often at all). I wish there were better SD's in my area :( They're either creepy or just trying to get a lay. I need a door out to where it'll lead me away from them!

As for the SD's nothing new really because I've been busy with being with family because my grandpa died and my relatives from overseas came for the funeral (they left yesterday), so I'm back again doing my thing. Hopefully it works out or something.. I will be seeing Mr. BF in 2 weeks and 1 day. Kind of nervous to be honest.. And Mr. Flirt likes to talk a lot and webcam when I'm looking tired and crappy :P And the other SD I'm very disappointed in, no word from him besides he's been busy working. But I went on a search on other SD sites besides SA, and he's in ALL of them and logs in daily. So I don't know what to say about that, haha.

Anywho, tonight I'm going to follow more SB's so I can read in on their fabulous sugar life and hopefully get some insight and help with mine!

xoxo <3

Shopping Splurge!

So let's see - I splurged a lot: I bought an expensive purse, a giant LoveSac (it's like a bean bag, but with foam and it's super comfy), I got a haircut, getting my hair dyed this Friday, and I got a tattoo. Geez, i'm being a wild child. But I never get the time to spend anything on myself, I've always worked hard and spent it on necessities, that includes school tuition, books, food, etc. The only difference this time is i'm going to get things I want and necessities and rent. So I have to work harder, that includes finding the right SD and keeping him happy. And I think I splurged because I like to go shopping when I feel sad or upset. But I got in a huge funk of being depressed that I just had to buy everything I wanted no matter how pricey it was (there goes my paycheck - I work minimum wage in long tiring hours). I guess it's not a good way of dealing with stress, but it's better than harming myself. Why was I depressed? Well a lot of personal reasons of why I became a SB and my grandfather is dying. It's actually been decided his funeral is this weekend..

Anywho, besides that - here's to keep you updated on my adventure:

So remember that SD I talked about that promised an allowance but kind of stopped talking after our first meet up? He contacted me again, it's weird. He only wants to talk when he wants to meet up again.. But he promised the allowance on a debit card or something and I can just use it when I want to get things. Should I trust him?

And as for Mr. BF, he set the airplane tickets for me to meet up with him in 3 weeks for 3 days. So that's pretty exciting and he also planned another trip in August. There's a teeny problem though, remember how I said Mr. BF wants me to be his girlfriend? Well he gets jealous and asks me questions about other SD's and if there are others. Recently, Mr. Flirt contacted me - he's from New York and sounds really sweet and nice, but I don't know what he looks like and he's my parents age (scary to think of it that way). Well I told Mr. BF, "Oh i'm just talking with him that's all" since he asked me about others. And he got all ":(". But I don't even know if I should even further anything with Mr. Flirt, his age kind of rattles me and he's from out of state also. But he's super sweet, he said he never contacts people from out of the region, but he accidentally came across my profile and was breathless and just had to contact me. He also told me about his previous experiences with his past SB's and he sounds very gentlemanly. AH! I don't know what to do.

And at the same time I have not gotten any allowance as of yet, I'm thinking of furthering my search onto other sites, but i'm scared what I might get myself into. But I already went through halfway in this situation, so I can't back out now.

Lots to Say as a Starting Newbie Sugar

Alright, I never got the chance to make a post yet because everything's been so hectic. So I started my sugar life about last week using the SA website and I read the blog and everyone's comments and advice - which are very helpful! I'm 20 years old and the majority of my dating life has been long-term serious relationships. So why did I decide to switch up my life? I'm tired of being disappointed and heart broken. I need a change in my life - so this is my change and it is very unexpected and very spontaneous of me to do this.

Any luck on the sugar? Yes. Was it what I expected? No. Perhaps it's in the area I am in, but I don't live in the high-life city of California or L.A. I hear so many SB's that have these great SD's: good looking and spoil them plenty. So I am inexperienced with this sort of arrangement and met my first SD, who is my first mistake (which I will learn from). Never never ever sleep with them on the first meet up - he seemed very trustworthy, he gave me his business card and sounded promising. We agreed on an allowance and how it'll work out, but after that "time", he stopped talking pretty much. And I go back to the SA blog and sought out a comment a SB said: Never sleep with a SD the first time, if you do, you'll probably never hear from them again because that's probably all they wanted. Truth.

Other than that, within a couple days of setting up my profile on SA, I got a message from Mr. BF, I am calling him that because he pretty much wanted me to be his girlfriend than a SB. But I told him my reasons for only wanting to be a SB and he said that was okay too. He lives in a different state, but he's flying me over there in a couple weeks. It sounds like a lot of fun, I don't usually go on vacation to other places and I work a lot during the summer. For me, as a college kid it's hard even going out because work is everything during the summer. I have no life during the summer - work work work! But I made sure i'll get time off so I can go out there and just relax. He sounds super sweet, physical attraction though is not there. But his personality so makes it up. I recall a comment on SA blog, it doesn't just have to be a physical thing. Truth.

Morally, I always believed this was outrageous. But I want to be happy for once. And I always said i'd try everything at least once. So if it doesn't work out after a couple, then i'll be done because I don't want to drag myself into a big hole. A week after, I got a couple more messages from SD's. One is from out of the country (wow..), the other comes into town once and a while, but is married (eh..), and the other is from a different state. So I don't like to judge a book by it's cover, I don't think things like race, age, and gender should be such a big deal. But I think if someone is married, they should be faithful to their partner. I didn't ask, but if the wife knows and is okay with it, then that's a different story. But if she doesn't know about his intentions, then I feel it's morally wrong. SO I sought out the trusty SA blog, and to my disappointment, most SB's prefer married men because they are more careful not to screw things up and are more generous on gifts or something like that. Sure gifts are great, but geez. If I was the wife/girlfriend I would be pissed if I knew. It's just way too unfair. So i'm not going to go with the SA advice on that one.

And on another note, while all this was going on. Putting my life out like that and deciding on this and changing my expectations. I have been under huge stress of family and work ordeals. So, I really need to find a nice SD so I can be under less stress when school starts again. Hopefully, I wish.